Sex Confessions: One Night Stands | Funny One Night Stands - babeZine

Sex Confessions: One Night Stands

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12 Feb, 2020

We decided to take a different approach to Valentine’s Day this year. Instead of sharing all the ‘boy done good’ photos and cute engagement pics, we reached out on Twitter to find out your most embarrassing and cringe-worthy one night stand stories.

If your disastrous drunken escapades are constantly brought up by the whole group chat, you’re not alone. In this three-part mini series, 21 girls have bared all and shared their ONS experiences for our entertainment.

Check back for part 2- coming soon.

1.

I was really really drunk and basically long story short I was going for it and I threw up on his penis. I didn’t want to tell him so I just had to carry on.

2.

It was my work Christmas party and I got soooo drunk. My friend and I locked ourselves out of her house, so decided to stay with her neighbour instead. I passed out on the sofa and when I woke up I had completely forgotten where I was. As my friend explained the whole ‘getting locked out’ situation, she also told me that by complete coincidence, my ex boyfriend was in bed with the neighbour’s sister after a one night stand! What are the chances I stay at a completely random person’s house to then wake up to my ex boyfriend having a one night stand in the room next door? Was complete madness and it’s a good job I’m not the jealous type.

3.

Went out for a few drinks with this guy, we go back to his very drunk. We stumble in the door and start having sex. Half way through, he picks me up and pins me against a wall.. to then discover my head is stuck between his two coat hooks and I’m hanging off the wall. I was stuck for at least a few minutes but it was definitely worth it lol

4.

I had a really rough breakup so my gals dragged me out to let my hair down. I spent most of the night dancing with the most beautiful boy, I asked him back to mine and you know how it goes. In the morning he text his cousin to come and pick him up and as I walked him out to the car…I see my ex in the drivers seat! Not sure if it was the best or worst moment of my life

5.

Okay so prepare yourselves for this cautionary tale. I met a guy on a night out and we got on like a house on fire. We decided to go back to his at around 3am and headed to his bedroom for some consenting adult fun.

I woke up in the morning to the sound of someone stomping up the stairs. Until this point, I had been under the impression that he lived alone, but alas it was his mother who burst into the room and started screaming at us. I jumped out of his bed so quickly that I caught my bra strap on the drawer of his bedside table, which unfortunately threw me backwards into it.

I hit my head so hard that I was knocked unconscious. When I woke up, I was half-naked with paramedics around me asking if I could hear them. I just shut my eyes and pretended to be dead because of the embarrassment. I got taken to hospital and they confirmed my concussion, but nothing hurt more than explaining why I had a gash on my forehead and a ripped bra to my parents on the ride home. FYI I blocked his number and never spoke to him again

6.

It was Halloween night and was dressed as a ‘sexy zombie’ (classic). I went home to a guy’s house and when I woke up the next morning, I couldn’t find my knickers, so I just went commando. We tried to sneak out, only to be caught by his mum and dad, who insisted that I joined them for breakfast. I was still wearing last night’s makeup, whilst eating scrambled eggs on toast with his mum and dad… bearing in mind my ladyhood was basically out the whole time. I then had to do a 30-minute walk home because no-one offered me a lift.

7.

I had a one night stand and when I got back to his house, I threw up all over his brand new sofa. He very kindly got me a kitchen pan to throw up in instead. However, it all took a turn for the worse when his mum came down and started full-on crying at her new sofa being covered in vomit. I did not know this boy or his family which made it 100% worse.

Who says romance isn’t dead? No matter what happens on your next one night stand, at least you can still look fire in a cute matching lingerie set.